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My number 1 wish for traveling is to be able to go places with someone I love. But it seems to me that I can never have that wish fulfilled. Not back then, and apparently not even now.
It's sad that I want to go somewhere with you, but I can't coz you already made plans with someone else.
Sigh sigh sigh :'(


It's been almost a year since I came here. But I've never really forgotten this site. I somehow remember it best when I'm not feeling my very best.

It's been a year since I lost a best friend and lover. And suddenly I realize that I'm quite alone in Penang. Trying to be happy and independent for some time, but now I can see that I lost quite a chunk of my life. I've got my friends definitely, but it still feels lonely and sad. Things don't feel the same anymore, food doesn't taste the same, movies don't feel that good without the right companion.

I need to get out of this mood, God help me. I don't want to remember the past. I don't want to recall the good happy memories. I don't want her to exist in my mind and show up in my dreams. It's too painful to be reminded of the past bygone and knowing that it will all never happen anymore.

God help me please.


Saw you today walking, and I suddenly stopped dead in ny tracks. I think my heart almost jumped out of my throat. And I'm just moodless for everything now.


I thought I was strong. I thought I can do it this time. I thought I could move on, forget this love, and walk away. But looks like I've got a stubborn heart.


Where's that switch when I need it? Just flip it and forget everything.



My Itchy Hands Lead To Stupid Consequences

Why did I have to go open your FB page? Have I got nothing better to do?! UGH UGH UGH UGH!!! Now sendiri sakit hati. YUCK!!! I hate my guts, and my stupid self!

Keep Walking

"Keep walking. Even if I'm going through hell, just keep walking."

Hopefully hell won't be too long, and hopefully I'll get out of this one day.


Can I drink away the memories? What do I need to do, to wake up and not remember you anymore?

Turning Away

I don't know why I'm afraid of turning away. If 3 years ago I wanted to run away from you, then 3 years later, now, I shouldn't find running away difficult. But I think I know why. I cannot bear to turn away from you now. It just fucking hurts.

But then again, seeing you with someone else hurts more. So for once, I'll brave myself again to turn away.
It's not easy, but it's a necessity.


I'll Be Quiet

It hurts so much. But I'm left without a choice. She'll move on, and I'll have to pick up the pieces of my heart.
But even if I never get over her, I will keep it within me. For she never will be mine anymore. I'll swallow the tears alone and look away, knowing her source of joy and happiness is not me anymore.
I don't know whether to thank you or not to. But I finally know what it means to have found the someone whom you know you'll love the truest.



If you walk away this time, will you come back again?
I'm so scared.


Kissed. Like a dream come true. Just your lips and mind, softly entwined. Twice we kissed, twice my heart stopped. Evelyn Tan, don't stop kissing me.