The hostess clambered on top of Jun and lowered her lips to his. Her lips were soft, but tasted too sweet for Jun’s liking. Still he kissed her angrily, almost hungrily. The hostess mistook this for encouragement and grew bolder. She removed the vest Jun was wearing and now unbuttoned his shirt. Jun’s heart yelled no, but Jun squeezed shut his eyes and kissed his companion harder still, trying to muffle his conscience. He hated himself for doing this and he’s sure he will regret all his actions tonight, but he kept going. Her skin was cool against his own, but smooth to his hands.

Matsumoto Jun snapped open his eyes and rolled her over so that he was now above her. He kissed the girl from the ears and moved down to her long neck. Another image of a pale slender neck jostled into his mind. Jun once again felt guilt stab his heart, but he decided to ignore it. Squeezing shut his eyes, he continued his actions. The hostess, being very good at this, knew when to moan and when to gasp. Matsumoto was almost down to her chest when suddenly the door to his room slammed open.

He jumped at the sound and turned up to face the intruder. He didn’t see paparazzi or some axed murderer. Instead all he saw were a pair of eyes, shocked at the scene before him. Those wide brown eyes moved from Jun to the almost naked girl lying beneath Jun. And then those same eyes met Jun’s eyes. Jun saw disbelief and hurt in them and immediately he hated himself for his actions. For a moment it felt as though time had stood still as unspoken messages travelled between Jun’s and Toma’s eyes. Hurt, disbelief, and hints of betrayal from Toma. Denial, shame, and guilt from Jun. And as fast as Toma came in, he left. Silently, with tears spilling from those soft brown eyes.

***

Toma walked quickly, hot tears streaming down his face. His heart felt as though it had shattered and every piece was now piercing his own body. The image of Jun with another girl stood imprinted into his mind and refused to budge. Toma felt his chest constrict, and suddenly he found it hard to breathe. He could not walk a step further, but he knew he had to go as far as he could away from Jun’s house. Yet his legs won’t move a single step. He grabbed the nearest lamppost and stabled himself with it. Every breath of air was icy and froze his lungs.

Why?? What the hell was going on?! Jun...

At the same time, Jun burst out from his home onto the street. His eyes saw Toma a distance away, leaning on the lamppost for support.

“Toma!” Jun shouted.

Toma didn’t answer.

Jun ran and shouted again, “Toma! Matte!”

But Toma ignored him and started walking again, pushing through the cold icy night. It started to snow. Jun himself now on the verge of tears.

Don’t leave again Toma. Please no.

***

A stronger hand gripped Toma and yanked him back, but the apparently the younger man was not as frail as Jun thought. Toma yanked his own hand away from Jun’s fingers and almost elbowed him. Jun stumbled, but continued pursuit. When he finally caught up again, he threw his arms around Toma and pressed his entire weight on the slender man in front of him.

“Toma, stop! Please don’t go again!”

“No! Go away! FUCK OFF!!”

“Toma!!”

“I said, FUCK OFF!!” Toma whirled around to face Jun, fist found face, and Jun was thrown off balance. He staggered back in shock, clutching to his now numb face. Toma was obviously angry, but still had tears falling down his cheeks. Jun felt his heart hurt more than his cheekbones.

“Hit me, if that makes you feel better. But hit me then can we please talk?” Jun pleaded with the other man.

Toma sniggered, “Talk?? What is there to talk about? Your actions were pretty clear to me, Matsumoto-san.” Jun felt that Toma’s tone of voice was even more chilly than the air around them. He winced at Toma’s address towards him. Toma has never called him ‘Matsumoto-san’, not even when they first knew each other. It had always been a warm and cheery ‘Jun’. But now, it was Matsumoto-san.

“Toma… I’m a bastard, I admit, but ~”

“Bastard? Yeah, you’re correct. You indeed are one. And you know what? I don’t want anything to do with you, so just fuck the hell off!!” Toma spat.

Jun felt something snap and walked up to Toma. Without notice, he punched Toma in the stomach and winded him. Toma, already cold, fell down on fours to the pavement. Jun grabbed Toma by the collar, yanked him up on his feet, and punched him again. This time in the face. He felt Toma’s nose break, and felt some warm liquid on his knuckles. Toma was bleeding. Both men stared at each other, daring each to go on fighting. But no one made any move.

Then Toma said, “So… When you can’t get things your way, you hit the other person, eh?” spitting out blood as he spoke.

Jun glared at Toma, then he answered after some time, “Yea… That’s me. Matsumoto Jun. I always have things my way, don’t you know?”

“No. I don’t know who Matsumoto Jun is anymore. The Jun I last saw? He was fucking some under aged girl in his house. That’s all I know. So, why don’t you tell me, who Jun is?”

MatsuJun fell silent at Toma’s words. He looked quietly at Toma, who looked him back in the eyes. And as fast as his anger came, they now slowly ebbed out of him. Looking Toma in those sad eyes brought another wave of guilt and shame to Jun. He could not bear to look at Toma, not especially at a broken Toma. Broken by his own hurtful actions. Suddenly Jun dropped to his knees, sobbing silently. Toma was surprised at this, but he kept his distance, watching the older man cry.

***

Toma had never seen Matsumoto Jun cry, not ever in his life. He never knew Jun as the type to show his emotions so easily. He knew Jun acted in such a sadistic manner so as to cover up his own shyness. The more he got to know Jun, the more different a picture he painted of this misunderstood person. Jun presented a different image to the world outside, but to those whom he could trust, he showed them a different side altogether. This side, Toma got to see. And now, he knows that Jun must be really miserable if he was able to break down and cry, at a roadside pavement.

And as angry as Toma was, as much hurt as Toma was seeing Jun shack up with another girl, he could not bring himself to be angry for another second longer. Not when his dear Jun was like this. He suddenly wanted to hold Jun in his arms and share all that that was choking Jun’s heart. Toma crossed over to Jun and dropped to his knees and, after a moment’s hesitation, drew the quietly sobbing man into his arms. Toma felt his own tears prickling behind his eyes and let them fall. He didn’t hold them back, not today.

And so, the two men let their tears and warmth wash over them, bringing healing to their broken hearts. Jun, whose heart was broken because he betrayed the person that he loved the most, and Toma, whose heart broke because the one he loved and cherished had hurt him. The stillness of the night and the falling snow enveloped them, bringing peace into two souls, mending hearts that were broken. Jun’s warmth was comforting to Toma, and Toma’s embrace gave Jun a renewed spirit.

For a while, they sat quietly in each other’s presence. Just touching, not speaking. Every touch speaking for itself. Every breath cleared their clouded minds bit by bit. For a long time, no one spoke. Then Jun finally broke the silence. He brought his head up and found himself face to face with Toma. He looked into those eyes again.

“Toma… Gomenasai... I’m sorry… I really am. Please don’t leave me.”

Toma heard the apology but it was not needed anymore. He felt as though he had forgiven Jun a long time ago. He just wanted to be with this man right now, everything else doesn’t matter anymore.

He shook his head and brought it closer, so that both their foreheads touched.

“I’m sorry too Jun. I’m sorry for not considering your feelings in the first place. If we hadn’t argued, this wouldn’t have happened. None of this would have happened at all.”

“Forget it Toma. Let’s just forget all this, can we?”

Toma nodded and brought his lips gently down to Jun. Around them, the white snow falls, covering all traces of the sad night, leaving only a white blanket.